"Why is the son upset with the father...?"
Question:
Respected Waqar Azeemi Sahib...!
Through the Roohani Digest, thousands of people have requested prayers and advice from you by expressing their problems. Many of your prayers have been accepted by Allah for my relatives and acquaintances. They have received healing through your treatment and benefited from your advice. Your writings and talks on social media and the Roohani Daak in the Roohani Digest are very important to me.
I am forty-five years old and have been married for twenty-four years. I am the mother of two sons and three daughters. Two of my daughters are now married.
My husband is a traditional man who gets angry with his wife and has a tough attitude towards his children. He is not highly educated but runs his own business, which has good income.
My husband does not have good thoughts for women. He says that women are like springs. The more pressure you put on them, the more they will stay in their place. He thinks as soon as the pressure is removed, they bounce back and become uncontrollable.
Some men consider their wives to be the center of negative thoughts about women.
"My husband's behavior towards me was also very harsh and pressuring. To maintain this pressure, he not only used his words but also didn't hesitate to raise his hands against me. If I said anything that he didn't like, he would curse at me. He would also say bad things about my parents, and if his anger didn't subside, he would hit me. My young children would get scared seeing the mental and physical torture inflicted on their mother by their father.
I continued to endure my husband's behavior, considering myself a helpless woman and mother. My husband's self-centeredness and selfishness are very high, whether it is due to his abundance of money or for some other reason. My husband bought a lot of property in the name of our children but didn't invest in their education. My daughters are only educated up to 8th grade, and my sons up to Metric level.
I prayed to Allah every day for my daughters. I used to begged Allah that their husbands should not be like my husband. I prayed that I become someone who respects my daughter-in-law and accepts her."
Millions of thanks to Allah that I have found very good sons-in-law for both of my daughters. My elder daughter says that her husband's family is very good and respectable. She tells that everyone in that house treats women with great respect. In their family it is unthinkable to raise a hand on a woman, and even in case of any disagreement, they do not speak to a woman in a harsh tone.
The husband of my second daughter and his family members are also very good people.
Now, I have to get my son married here. I have chosen a girl for him.
Dr Waqar Azeemi, there are two reasons for writing this letter.
One is that there are many distances between my sons and their father. All five of my children consider me innocent and their father as cruel. The daughters do take care of their father, but their hearts are also filled with complaints against him.
The issue of both sons is separate. They are both very distant from their father. They don't even talk to their father. The sons also complain to their father that he is very difficult in the house, but he is very happy with relatives and friends. He did not provide good education to his children but he praise his brother's sons a lot, saying that they study in the university and are getting good grades.
My husband does not talk much to his sons but he does talk to his relatives and their children with love.
My husband accuses me of instigating our children against him. He verbally abuses me and says that I have turned the children against him. I swear to God that I have never said anything against their father to my children.
I want the distance between my husband and sons to decrease before my son's marriage. I want their relationship to improve.
Secondly, I am afraid that my son might behave like his father with his wife. Allah has taught me a lot through my daughters. I want no one's daughter to suffer in my home. I want my daughter-in-law to receive respect and happiness, and not go through the same struggles that I went through.
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Answer:
Children learn a lot from the attitudes, behaviors, and manners of their parents. This learning can be enjoyable or unpleasant.
Men who dishonor their wives are often beaten and abused. Their sons often distance themselves from their fathers.
Sons who witness their mother being dishonored at the hands of their father often grow to hate their fathers. In such households, daughters also tend to be more anxious. While they may not become so distant from their father that they enter the realm of hatred, they may not hold their father in high regard. Girls who grow up in such an environment often have a lot of fear around marriage as well.
I have observed various types of attitudes in boys who grow up in such an environment. Some of these boys cannot maintain balance in their married life and are very harsh with their wives. They believe that showing even a little bit of kindness to their wives will make their wives dominant over them. Therefore, they do not express love openly to their wives
and keep a distance between themselves and their wives.
and keep a distance between themselves and their wives.
Respected sister! My prayer is that your husband is granted the ability to treat you with respect and honor, may you receive much happiness from your children, and may the environment of your home be very good.
For spiritual treatment,
recite Surah Baqarah (2) verse 263 101 times before sleeping:
قَوۡلٌ مَّعۡرُوۡفٌ وَّ مَغۡفِرَۃٌ خَیۡرٌ مِّنۡ صَدَقَۃٍ یَّتۡبَعُہَاۤ اَذًی ؕ وَ اللّٰہُ غَنِیٌّ حَلِیۡمٌ
Qawlun maAAroofun wamaghfiratun khayrun min sadaqatin yatbaAAuha athan waAllahu ghaniyyun haleemun
Also, recite Durood Sharif 11 times in the beginning and at the end, and visualize your husband and children while doing so. Then, make dua (supplication) to Allah.
Continue this practice for at least 40 days, and give charity as you can easily afford.